Beetlejuice in Equestria
by Clayton Overstreet
Summary: When Lydia has a slight "accident" while on her way to her graduation she finds herself and her parents stuck in the Netherworld waiting room. To get out she makes a deal with the local authorities to become Beetlejuice's new parole officer. Their first bit of community service involves helping repopulate the timberwolves of the Netherwoods... but where do they find more?


I don't own these characters or profit from them.

Beetlejuice in Equestria

By, Clayton Overstreet

Some days just do not go the way you plan. Lydia Deetz (yeah, I'm guessing on the spelling of the last name) sat in the back of her parents' car on her way to her graduation. DD, her monster/stepmom was gabbing in the front about Lydia's life would be like from now on. The college she would go to, the classes she would take, and how she would smile through it all. Blech. She looked at her dad who just smiled apologetically and said "Yes dear" whenever DD had to stop for breath.

Not that it mattered. Lydia intended to cash in her college check and use the money to publish a guide of the Netherworld. Nobody would believe it was real of course, but it should make for a best seller, especially when she added all the photographs she had taken. The Neherworld authorities had given the OK since nobody would believe it anyway, but it might cut down on at least some of the time they had to spend teaching the newly dead. Besides she knew enough of Beetlejuice's tricks that, even aliveshe could do some magic.

Suddenly, just as they were crossing the covered bridge between their house and town, DD shouted, "Charles look out!"

"What?" Lydia saw the dog just as the car swerved towards the wall of the bridge and then sunlight as they crashed through it. The car stopped balanced on the edge. Her dad, hands clenched tightly on the steering wheel, said through clenched teeth, "Don't… move…"

Her heart pounding Lydia closed her eyes and said, "Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice…"

DD turned. "Lydia what are you…?" The car shifted forward. "Aaaiiieeee!"

"Beetlejuice!" Lydia cried out as the car hit the river and sank.

There was a pop above and beetlejuise appeared, floating him the air. "Hey Babes!" He paused, looking around. "Lydia? Hey Lyds, where are ya?" Suddenly there were a lot of bubbles in the river below him and he looked down. Below the surface he saw brake lights fading into the deeps. "Uh oh…"

000

Lydia and her family found themselves walking throught he door of a waiting room. They were dripping wet and spitting out a lot of water. Lydia did not look much different than normal except for her wet down hair hanging in her face, but her parents looked a lot paler than normal.

"Where are we?" Charles asked.

DD looked around. "I think it's a hospital.. the Emergency room if I'm any judge." Sitting around the room were three other "customers". One was an Eskimo whose leg was down a still wriggling shark's throat. Another was a rapper type covered in gold chains and with a gold grill… and about thirty bullet holes in his body. Finally there was a baseball player with a baseball sticking out of his skull. "Yikes."

"Each of you take a number and find a seat," said a tired voice behind the counter and frosted glass. They did take numbers from the roll next to the window. 3,000432, 3,000,433, 3,000,434… then they looked up. Now serving: 100,231.

"Oh forget this!" Lydia said. "Beetle…" A slimy tentacle slid out from behind the window, wrapping around her mouth making her mother and father scream. Another one pointed to a sign hanging on a wall.

No Leaving

No Complaining

No Beetlejuicing

"Don't even think about it," the voice said.

Lydia sighed as the slimy thing let her go. "Fine." She went and took a seat while her parents stared in shock and the tentacles retracted.

"Lydia," DD said. "What was that?"

She smiled nervously at her parents. "Well… the good news is you don't have to worry about me going to college." She began to explain.

(One Week Later)

Lydia's parents had take the news quietly. Maybe too quietly. Lydia suspected they were in shock. She kind of wish they would ask questions. Finally telling them about all her adventures with BJ over the years. It wuld have at least been something to do instead of listening to the piped in radio music. But they just sat there staring off into space like… well zombies. Up above them the counter was up to 300,234.

She wished she could call Beetlejuice. He would liven the place up… so to speak. "I am so bored!" Suddenly she found herself temporarily turned into a plank of wood. Then she zapped back to normal. "Huh? Oh right, since I'm dead I guess I can use the magic BJ taught me." She wiggled her fingers. Her black graduation robe, which she had been wearing in the car, suddenly turned into red with a black spiderweb pattern. "Well that's better."

She was still deciding what to do next when the door opened. In walked the pink man with the shrunken head who worked for the mayor and the mayor himself, wrapped in his mummy bandages and suit. The shrunken head man said, "Your honor, you need to sign these papers."

"Not now. I have a meeting with the head of resources and then I have a lunch date with the Governor."

"Your honor!" Lydia said standing up.

The mummy looked up. "Lydia, well I declair. What are you doing here. I don't remember Bettlejuice being up on the docket today. Not since that thing with the electric eels."

"Hey, that wasn't beetlejuice's fault. He was just cooking when Scuzzo the clow…"

"Yes, yes. I remember." He looked at his assistant. "Any new charges?"

"Not really… in fact we haven't heard anything from him in a few days. Seems he was summoned o the human world and hasn't been back since."

"Oops," Lydia said. "That was me. You see today I'm here with my parents." She pointed to her mom and dad.

"Your parents?"

"Car accident."

"Oh I'm so sorry to hear that my dear," The mayor said. "But we all have to go sometime." He reached out and put a pin on her chest. "But now that you're an official citizen remember to vote for me." He started to turn away.

"Actually your honor, I was wondering if you could help me speed this along," Lydia said. "I mean it's not like I really need the usual Netherworld orientation…"

"But your parents do," the mayor's assistant said quickly. "Plus it's hard to find people a place to stay. There's a haunted housing shortage…"

"Oh that shouldn't be a problem," Lydia said absently. "I have an open invitation at Beetlejuice's Roadhouse, plus his parents are members of the Moldy Oldy club, and of course if all else fails Prince Vince would let us stay at his castle…"

"Prince Vince…" The Mayor said, rubbing his chin. "That's right he is a friend of yours, isn't he?" Lydia nodded. "Still I can't just let you pass through for nothing. Death is supposed to be fair after all…"

The way he said that gave her a hint. "Is there something I could do to earn it?"

He smiled at her. "Well that's a whole other thing. Perhapse you and I could negotiate. Follow me into my office…"

000

Beetlejuice appeared, counting out money. "Nine hundred and ten… eleven… twelve… thirteen…" He looked up as he realized he was somewhere else. His eyes focused on a familiar face and he jammed the money into his pocket. "Lydia!" He flew over and hugged her. "What took you so long?"

"They wouldn't let me call you," Lydia said.

"Yeah, they have a lot of rules about that in public places." He said. "I'm still not allowed in public swimming pools after last time and I didn't even go in the water." He took a step back. "Speaking of which, I'm real sorry I couldn't save you. I juiced your car out of the water, but by then it was too late. I considered mouth to mouth but…"

She held up a hand and turned her head. "Please. Drowning was definitely the easier way to go."

Beetlejuice grinned, showing off his green teeth with things still writhing between then. "Aw Babes, that's a completely unfair accuracy."

"Where did you get that money by the way?" He smiled and handed her a card. "Mr. Beetleman's funeral parlor. People are dying for our services. What is this?"

"Well you were dead and I was over there in the living world…"

"Beetlejuice… did you just dump my body in an urn and take the money?"

"Don't worry Lyds, I gave you a great burial in a big crypt." He handed her some pictures. "Your dad had a huge life insurance policy…"

Lydia whistled as she looked at the crypt. "Nice! Totally love the gargoyles…" Suddenly a suspicion hit her. "What about my parents?"

"Who doesn't love a classic pine box? Okay maybe they were more apple crates, but…" He frowned and looked around. "Hey where are we?" The room was completely dark except where they were standing.

Suddenly another ligth illuminated a familiar sight, the judge's podium. "Beetlejuice, the Netherworld court now convenes."

"Oh no! Not you guys again."

"Beetlejuice in the past we've had you staked out in the sun, thrown to sandworms, and even imprisoned in Nether-Netherworld. Each time you've escaped. So now we're putting you in the care of a parole officer."

Beetlejuice laughed. "You tried that before too. Last time you asked someoen they threw themselves to the sandworms." He leaned in to Lydia. "They have a special wing for the others at the local sanitarium."

The judge would have grinned if he was not just a skeleton. Leaning over the podium he said, "But this time we have a volunteer. Someone who actually wants the job."

Beetlejuice smirked. "Who would be stupid enough to…" He stopped. Slowly his head rotated around until he could see Lydia. She smiled and waved at him. "Lydia?"

"Well it was that or spend the next few months just sitting around the waiting room with my parents. This way I can set things up so my parents will have a house and mom can have that art gallery we set up for her I even get paid for watching you."

Beetlejuice laughed. "Ha! Nice try Babes, but what are you going to do? The whole reason I like hanging out in the human world is because nobody there can mess with me."

Suddenly dressed as Austin Powers she said, "I'm going to make sure you bee-hive."

Beetlejuice blinked and suddenly felt a buzzing in his ears. Looking down he saw that he had been turned into a bee hive. "Well, that stings. But if it's all the same to you Lyds, I'd rather bee myself." He turned back to normal… for him. "So basically you sold me out for your own convenience?" He smiled. "I'm impressed."

"Not just that," Lydia said. "Apparently the other plan was that the next time you messed up they were going to have you drawn and quartered and throw you into a volcano. They agreed not to if I agreed to keep you from actually destroying the Netherworld…"

Suddenly in an angel costume with a halo over his head beetlejuice said, "Me?"

Lydia smirked and said, "In addition you have to do one community service job a month that is of benefit to the Netherworld."

"A job!" Beetlejuice shrieked. "You mean I have to work? I'd rather die!"

"Too late," she said.

The judge held out the paperwork. "Lydia Deetz agrees to do her best to control beetlejuice ine xchange for leniency for his crimes and various special considerations for her and her family including a special promotion to sainthood for just putting up with Beetlejuice so far." A glowing hood appeared on Lydian's cloak. "Which combined with the powers Beetlejuice taught her gives her more power than he has to make up for her lack of experience."

"Which means I can kick your butt BJ," Lydia said.

"That's not fair," Beetlejuice said.

Lydia smirked. "I know."

"Sign on the dotted line Beetlejuice," The judge said.

"Why should I? The only community service I want to do is burying you all six feet under."

"Because if you don't we'll do the volcano thing," he said.

"Not that I want to twist your arm," Lydia said, coming forward and twisting Beetlejuice's left arm behind his back.

"Ow! Alright, I'll sign it!" Mumbling under his breath as he signed the paperwork. "Man Lydia, I never knew you could be such a pain."

"Well since I'm on this side I can't just send you back to the Netherworld if you act up," she said in his ear. She gave him a kiss on the cheek. Something crawled from behind his ear and over her lips."So I have to get tough." She let him go and the judge, looking nauseous, vanished.

"So what do I have to do for, ugh, community service?" He asked, rubbing his arm. "Acid bath the elderly? Walking scouts into the street? And how long do I have to do it?"

"I'll be picking," lydia said. "And you only have to do it until you do as many good deeds as you've done and will do bad ones."

"FOREVER!?" He said.

She shrugged and grinned. "Well you could be a good person from now on." They shared a look, then both burst out laughing. "Yeah, I didn't think so. But look at it this wass BJ, at least you won't be thrown to the sandworms any more." She snapped her fingers and they vanished, appearing outside the roadhouse. Their car Doomie was there. He honked happily and licked Lydia… then seemed sad. "Yeah Doomie, I've kicked the bucket." A bucket fell out of the sky and hit Beetlejuice.

"Hey, how come everytime ou say something like that, it happens to me?"

"Because it's funnier that way," Lydia said. She pet Doomie's hood. "You know if I'd been in Doomie instead of my parent's heap I wouldn't even be dead. He doesn't exactly swerve for dogs plus he can fly."

Beetlejuice shrugged. "Sorry babes, but if you're looking for sympathy because you didn't go out the way you wanted, you're in the wrong Netherworld."

"I guess everyone here has their own sob story," Lydia said.

"Yeah, it's a dead issue." He grinned. "So should we set you up with a room in the roadhouse or what? Ifg you don't like this place I hear there's an opening in Amityville. The place is supposed to be a real scream."

"We can't," Lydia said. "Since I hang out with you the Mayor said we had to do our first job immediately as a show of faith." Her sainthood glowed. A halo appeared over her head.

"Goody two-shoes," Beetlejuice muttered.

A pair of red pumps appeared on Lydia's feet. She took a look and grinned. "Hey, Prada. Nice."

"I aim to fleas," he said, pointing at her.

Suddenly Lydia began scratching. "Hey! Beetlejuice!" She writhed around. "Ouch! You're such… a dip!" Suddenly beetlejuice was a tub full of flea dip. Lydia appeared in him and began scrubbing until the fleas were gone.

When he turned back he snarled, "Gah, Lydia that's disgusting. It's one thing when you make me take a bath. Using me to do it yourself is just wrong… if a little titila—" Lydia put a finger on his lips, silencing him.

"Don't go there BJ. This fic is supposed to get a teen rating."

"Fine, I'll save that pun for later," he said waggling his eyebrows. "So what loathsome and 'helpful' job are you going to force me to do."

Lydia pulled out a piece of paper. "I picked one I thought you might enjoy. It seems that lately in the netherwoods there has been a lot of attacks by hedgehogs. Apparently the local timberwolves have been overhunted. They've made a deal with some other kingdom to transport some of theirs to here to the Nether-woods and release them."

"You mean you expect me to go out and find a bunch of snarling dangerous viscious monsters and bring them back here to be released randomly in the woods where they will tear other beasts to pieces and possibly attack innocent bystanders as well?"

"Uh huh."

He grinned. "This could be fun after all."

Lydia looked at the paper and said, "You know I always thought that the netherworld went on forever. How is it that there's another kingdom."

Beetlejuice appeared in a teacher's robes. He pulled a chalkbord from nowhere and slides as Lydia appeared in a desk with a dunce cap on. "Well it's true, but since the Netherworld is just the result of a cartoon that is based on a movie that never even had a sequel… lousy stinking studio doesn't know what's good for it. That's why my origin story doesn't make much sense." Lydia nodded. "And that means that the Netherworld is part of Fantasia which, as anyone who saw The Neverending Story knows means as the realm of human fantasies it has no real borders."

"I heard Borders closed," Lydia said.

"yeah, they had to book it," Beetlejuice said. "And since this is a fan fic with no real reason for anything except to make things funny, we'll just appear there for no reason." He snapped his fingers.

"So where is this place we're going?" Lydia asked, handing him the card.

Beetlejuice read it. "Equestria… never heard of it. Sounds like a one horse town though."

000

"I can't believe how disgustingly bright and blue the sky is," Beetlejuice grumbled. I liked it better in the woods."

Lydia and Beetlejuice arrived at the palace of Equestria covered in mud and dirt and looking the worse for wear. Lydia had a tree branch poking through her stomach. "That is the last time we follow a map given to us by someone named Discord." She pulled the branch out of her self.

"Ha, you look like you went skiing with Sonny Bono. Pull yourself together. Never mind, I got you Babes," Beetlejuice said. He snapped his finger and the hole closed up. "If you can't trust a freaky monster god living in an abandoned castle in the woods, who can you trust? Anyway it was the scenic route. It's not his fault you never learned to fly and the fall off that cliff and into the swamp was fun."

"Oh shut up while I…" she waved the branch. ".. .spruce up." Her clothes were suddenly clean and smelled of pine.

"You know Lydia, on one hand I'm impressed you're so good at using your powers. On the other I'm disgusted that you use them to stay… yuck… clean. On the other hand at least I don't have any competition in the disgusting department."

"That's three hands Beetlejuice," she said.

He looked down at the three arms he had sticking out of his shirt. "So?"

She sighed. "Just knock." He did and the huge doors opened. "Wow…"

It was a huge city with the castle in the middle. Lots of houses and… small horses everhwere. Beetlejuice looked around. "Okay, this is weird even by my standards." They walked inside and got odd looks from the ponies around them.

A group of them in golden armor came forward. One said, "My name is Shining Armor. Who and… what are you?"

"We're ghosts. My name is Lydia and this is Beetlejuice. We were sent from the netherworld to talk to someone called Princess Luna."

"Of course, follow me." He turned and then paused. "Lydia… such an odd name."

"You think my name is odd? What about him?"

"What about him?"

She paused. Shining Armor, Luna… okay obviously these guys had different standards than back home. "Never mind."

When they got to the real castle and were led inside beetlejuice was looking ill… even for a dead guy. "Everything is so neat and… clean. You'd think people without hands would have a harder time sweeping up."

"We use magic," Shining Armor said.

"These windows are amazing… is that Discord?" A long row of stained glass windows with different images on thm lined the hallways. One showed Discord being blasted by six multicolored ponies.

"You met Discord?"

"He gave up some directions," Beetlejuice said.

Lydia frowned. "If I ever see him again I'll tell him where he can go."

The pony smiled. "That sounds like Discord."

They finally arrived in a throne room… which Lydia thought was a bit weird since they were horses, but whatever. A black and blue horse with wings and a unicorn horn, bigger than the others, sat on it. She was pretty in a horse-faced kind of way. Stars seemed to sparkle in her mane. In a loud echoing voice she said, "Greetings! We are Princess Luna, Princess of Equestria. We are sorry that the rest of the court could not meet you! We are afraid our sister is busy escorting the sun across the sky."

Beetlejuice stuck a finger in his ear. "Whoa, that'll clear out the earwax. Hey Lady, want to lower the volume to a dull roar?"

The pony lowered her voice. "Sorry, I have trouble with that sometimes. You are from the Netherworld?"

"Yes, your majesty," Lydia said. "Did you mean your sister moves the sun herself?"

"Just as I move the moon. I was sent a letter by your government to tell the one named Beetlejuice that if he causes any trouble in our kingdom while he's here he will be… swinging from a star." Her horn glowed. A star appeared and suddenly a glowing firey noose dropped down from it.

"Whoa, I knew ponies were well hung, but this is ridiculous," Beetlejuice said. "Uh thanks anyway. As much fun as I could have taking some of the life out of this place, I think I'll pass until we get home. I'd love to hang out, but I'd rather be a pig." His face turned into a boars, complete with tusks.

Luna laughed. "Very well. We… I understand that you will be collecting some local wildlife."

"Timberwolves," Lydia said.

"Very well. I will give you a permit to gather them. Once you have it take the train outside to a place called Ponyville and ask for a pony named Fluttershy. In the mean time please enjoy our city."

Lydia bowed. "Thank you."

Beetlejuice just floated there and muttered, "Talk about a high horse." Lydia turned to leave and he floated behind her. Then he paused and looked back. "Excuse me your horse-ness, but there were some things in the forest I wanted to ask about. little bugs in a lot of different colors that were shaped like flying balls. They aren't endangered or anything, are they?"

"Parasprites? No, they're pests… why?"

He smiled. Two or three parasprites were stuck between his teeth, blinking their huge eyes. "No reason."

000

As they got off the train in Ponyville Lydia noticed the strange looks they were still getting. "You know BJ maybe we should try to fit in a bit more."

"Yeah, I guess so. Normally I like standing out in a crowd, unless I'm in front of a jury. Guess it's time to horse around." He was suddenly a pony with big green teeth a yellow mane an dtail, and vertical black stripes over his body. A big beetle mark appeared on his haunches. "Time to hoof it Lydia."

"Keep your bridle on," Lydia said. "I know it's time to pony up." Suddenly she was a red pony with a black mane. Her cutie mark was a spider web inside a halo.

Ponies stared at them as they changed, but none of the newcomers seemed to notice them. Beetlejuice saw a wanted poster on a nearby wall. "Hey Lydia, look at this." She looked and saw some sort of pony-insect crossbreed. The poster said the were chngelings and warned people to be on the look out for them. "Beetles the size of horses! Maybe this place isn't so bad afterall."

"We'll worry about your lunch later BJ."

"You're no fun anymore since you got this holier than thou attitude."

"Beetlejuice has it occurred to you that the sooner we get this done the sooner we'll have freetime to party or hunt giant horse-beetles or whatever we want? You think I like the idea of spending every moment of my afterlife being your nanny…" She suddenly turned into herself again, only wearing a prim gray female suit and holding an umbrella as she floated a foot above the ground. In a sing-song voice she finished, "… then you're practically crazy in every way." Ponies started staring again.

"Okay, I get it," Beetlejuice said rolling his eyes in two directions. "Get back on the horse Lyds." She turned back into a pony.

Walking away from the station they took in the view. Ponies walked and flew everywhere. Lydia shuddered. "This place is too cute for me."

"Let's see if I can fix that." He walked over to a white cat sitting on a fense cleaning itself. "Hey kitty!" His head swelled, snakes came out of every oriface, and his eyes wiggled out of his face. "Boo!" Lydia was about to admonish him for scaring a defenseless animal when the cat, rather than running, hissed and began clawing at his eyes. Turning back to full pony Beetlejuice began running back and forth. "Ah! Get it off! Get it off!"

"How? I don't even have thumbs!"

A voice came out of the house in front of them. "Opal! What have I told you?" The cat glowed blue and levitated into the air. It's claws relcutant to release beetlejuice, pulled until his face came off. "Never go for the eyes. Oh dear…"

Beetlejuice stood there, his face nothing but a horse skull. "Well, that'll clear the sinuses."

Before the other pony could start screaming Lydia snatched Bettlejuice's face from the cat with her teeth. Between clenched teeth she said, "Here, throw this on."

It reattached. "Thanks babes. Wasn't sure I'd ever be able to show my face again."

"Are you okay sir?" The white pony with the purple mane asked uncertainly.

"Oh I'm fine. Just a bit of cat scratch fever," Bettlejuice said, his face suddenly red and steaming.

"Oh um… that's… good? I am terribly sorry. Opal is usually so well behaved."

Lydia said, "Oh don't mind him. He deserved it. believe me." Beetlejuice stuck his tongue out at her, then pulled it back quickly as Opal took a swipe at it. "Maybe you can help us."

"What do you need?"

"We're looking for someone called Fluttershy. Do you know her?"

"Well of course I do. She's one of my best friends. I'm afraid she's busy today helping Rainbow Dash with something or other in Cloudsdale, but they are due back by tomorrow." Both of them looked ill at the thought of staying in this bright and cheerful place one more day. They shared a look, but hung their heads. "Why the long face?" Rarity asked.

"We don't really have anyplace to stay in town until then," Lydia said. "To tell the truth this trip is taking a lot longer than I thought it would."

"I warned you babe, we totally should have skipped out on community service and gone to the abusement park."

"Oh, well if that's your problem I can ask my other friends and we can see if you can get someplace to sleep for the night."

Resigned Lydia said, "That would be nice. Thank you."

"Don't mention it darling," she said. "Sweetie Belle!"

A smaller pony clopped out of the house. "Yes Rarity?"

"Since you're going to see Applebloom anyway could you stop by Pinkie Pie's place on the way to Applejack's farm to see if they can meet us at Twilight Sparkle's place?"

"Sure thing." The little pony ran off down the road.

"Twilight Sparkle?" Beetlejuice asked. For a moment he and Lydia's fur sparkled like diamonds in the sun. "We're after wolves, not vampires."

"Oh that's just out local princess," Rarity said. "Come with me." She let opal down. The cat hissed at Beetlejuice and then wandered inside. Rarity's horn glowed and the door slammed shut behind it. Rarity turned and began trotting away.

As they walked behind her Beetlejuice whispered to Lydia, "I get the feeling we should wach our step around here."

"Why, just because you got beat up by a fluffy kitty?" She teased. Looking around she said, "This place seems safe enough."

"Not what I meant Lyds," he said. "You see all the ponies?"

"Yeah?"

"You see all those gardens full of… yuck… big healthy vegetables?"

"Uh huh…"

"You see anything that looks like a sewer system?"

"No… ew!" She checked her hooves. Beetlejuice laughed as they continued on.

000

They met up in a library inside a tree. Twilight Sparkle, another pony with wings and a horn, met them at the door after Rarity went inside. "Sorry it took so long, Spike and I were making cookies."

Looking that the tree Lydia said, "Somehow I'm not surprised."

"Rarity tells me you're here with some papers from Princess Luna."

"Papers? Ve haf papers!" Beetlejuice was suddenly wearing a coat similar to the Gestapo.

"Neat trick," Twilight said. Her horn glowed and the letter from Luna floated up. She read it. I see… well we could certainly use a few less timberwolves around here."

A couple of ponies came galloping up. "What's going on?" The yellow one said.

The pink one said, "Applejack and I were just on our way to the icecream shop when Sweetie Belle found us." She looked at beetlejuice. "Whoa. Now there's a horse of a different color. Are you some kind of zebra?"

"Nah, but I am a little horse," he said, coughing.

Pinkie laughed and he joined in. "You're really funny."

"Thanks for noticing," he said. "Sometimes I laught so hard my head spins." Suddenly his whole skull began rotating at high speed. "Aaaaaiiiieee!"

The other ponies all screamed in unison, except Pinkie. When his head finally stopped she said, "Can I try that?"

"Sure." He pointed a hoof. Her head began rotating at high speed too.

"Wheeeeeeee!" When it stopped she staggered, falling on her rump. "You know I think I hate it when that happens."

"How did you do that?" Twilight said. He turned and smiled at her, which made her take a step back as the smell reached her nose. "Yuck!"

"Well there is a trick to it. First you have to die and then eat a bunch of Beetles—"

"Beetlejuice…" Lydia said warningly. He winked at Pinkie, but settled down. "We could use a place to stay for the night, if you have room to spare."

"Preferably someplace crawling with spiders, bugs, and other vermine," Beetlejuice said, licking his lips.

"Uh, there's the old apple silo we don't use any more," Applejack said. "There's a hole in the roof so the place was abandoned. But there are some rotten apples and mold and things lying around we haven't cleared up because we're planning to tear it down…"

"Perfect," they said.

A small dragon in an apron came out, carrying a tray of cookies in his claws. "Twi, they're done."

Beetlejuice groaned. "You mean we could have been dragons instead of ponies? Well that stinks." He turned to look at the others. "And believe me, I know what I'm talking about." He farted. The green gas released filled the area, turning the cookies to burn ash and making everyone else fall over twitching.

Spike the dragon, sneezed. The gas ignited, blowing Beetlejuice into the air. Shaking off the smell Pinkie said, "That guy seems like a lot of fun."

As he landed back on the ground, burnt and charred, Lydia laughed and said, "Yeah, he's a real blast."

000

On the way to the silo Pinkie asked Lydia and Beetlejuice if they liked to party. Beetlejuice said, "I'm a total party animal!"

"Great! Then we can have some fun," Pinkie said.

"Let's make it a wake," Beetlejuice said. He appeared in a bed, then sat up, his eyes bloodshot. "Lydia hasn't had hers yet." He looked at Lydia. "Unless I'm not allowed to do that any more."

"Hey, I like to have fun as much as the next… ghoul."

Beetlejuice banished the bed and appeared next to her. "Sorry Babes, but since you died you've been a bit… dead."

She bumped his shoulder. "Well then I'll leave it to you to liven things up."

"You got it babes."

"Excuse me," Rarity said, "But when you say dead… well how could you be dead."

Lydia and Beetlejuice shared a look. Beetlejuice grinned and Lydia shrugged. She knew as much about being a ghost as ayone could. She had even been given an honorary PHD from the Netherworld School for helping Beetlejuice get through kindergarten. Together they said, "Like this!"

Their eyes rolled back in their heads and then fell into their skulls, leaving hollow sockets. They flew up into the air, levitating several feet above the ground. Their tongues stuck out with their eyes perched on top, Beetlejuice's striped and Lydia's a sickly purple, writhing like snakes.

"Aiieeee!" The ponies screamed, turning to run.

As they did Lydiua and Beetlejuice vanished, coming the other way. Lydia stil a pony, Beetlejuice on her back, headless and holding a jack-o-lantern in his hand. "Hahahahaahahahahaha!" He threw the laughing gord at them. It stopped, flying in the air in front of them. "Boo!" The ponies all fell down, covering their eyes.

Beetlejuice and Lydia appeared next to them, back to normal. "Gee, think we went too far?"

"Maybe a little," Lydia said. She tapped Pinkie on a trembling shoulder. "You okay?"

Peeking from behind her forlegs Pinkie suddenly sat up. "That was so cool! Do it again!"

"No!" The others yelled. They stared wide eyed at the two ghosts.

"We won't hurt you." Lydia promised. Beetlejuice snickered. Lydia kicked him in the hind leg. "Say you're sorry Charlie."

Beetlejuice grinned. "Hey, no need to beat a dead horse." He looked at the others. "Don't be such scardy cats…" They briefly turned into cats. "Everybody dies, right? One broken leg and you lot have had it. Really we're in the majority." He winked and suddenly Zecora was behind him with a bunch of masks from her hut.

"It never hurts to have friends on de other side," she said her face suddenly painted like a skull.

The masks sang, "He's got friends on the other side…" Then they vanished.

"Actually Twilight here's going to live forever—" Pinkie said, but Twilight put a hoof in her mouth.

"Well I suppose," Twilight said. "Sorry we uh… freaked out."

"Oh don't worry, I love freakin' people out. Watch this," he said. He looked around.

A gray pony with a bubble mark on her butt was sitting on a bench down the road eating a muffin, was oblivious to his presence. Beetlejuice pointed at it and suddenly it sprouted a mouth full of fangs. With a roar it snapped at the pony who dropped it, flapping her wings and flying away. The muffinf grew bat wings and followed. Lydia, despite herself, laughed.

"Fast food, you know I love it," Beetlejuice said. Twilight and the others giggled nervously, except Pinkie who was laughing hysterically. "That's how you chew the fat."

"Won't she get hurt?" Rarity asked.

"Nah, she had a…" He took off his head. "…head start!" He put it back on.

They reached the silo. It was even worse than Applejack had said. She looked at them, "I'm no too sure how this thing's gonna hold up with you all sleeping in here… and I don't rightly know if'n it'll survive a stiff wind let alone a party."

"Let us handle that," Beetlejuice said. "Lyds… you get it started."

She nodded and clopped forward inside. Looking at Twilight she asked "Got a light?" Twilight's horn glowed and a candle appeared on the floor. Lydia began to chant. "Though I know I should be wary, still I venture someplace scary…" Shadows seemed to dance around her. "ghostly haunting I turn loose… Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!"

"It's show time!" Beetlejuice cackled. The ponies huddles together as around the the walls rumbled, changing from rotten moldy wood to slime covered stone. Bats flew down and circled them.

Beetlejuice looked around. "Let's get this party started!" He pointed around the room. Black bat and green snake shaped baloons appears. "Add some screamers…" Streamers appeared, hideous screaming mouths on the end. "And a bit of music." He stomped a hof and calypso music filled the air. Everyoen rose intot he air, dancing with the music. The ponies looked shocked as they began singing along with songs they had never heard before.

Lydia laughed. "You really atke the cake Beetlejuice." A giant cake the size of a car fell out of the air, landing on top of the ghost with the most. He stuck his head out of the top, licking his face clean. "What's next?"

"Well sinc eI'm coming out of a cake I might have palyed stripper, but we're not wearing clothes. So… food fight!" He took a hoof full of cake and lobbed it at Lydia.

"Hey!" She said as it splattered against her face. A bale of hay fell from the sky over all of them.

Twilight's horn glowed and she smiled as her head popped back out. "Well, we can't let them have all the fun, can we?" A long table piled high with food appeared. "Ladies…"

The ponies all reached over with their hooves and somehow managed to pick up heaps of food. "Charge!"

000

The next morning Beetlejuice woke up staring into the face of a blue horse with wings and a rainbow mane. The silo was back to normal. "Whoa Nelly! I don't know what was in that food last night, but I want more." He paused. "Oh I remember, I showed everyone what was inside the pink pony's head and we all passed out…"

"Hey fella, you are covered in cake and you've got ants crawling all over you."

"I do?" He stood up and started licking himself. "Yum! Breakfast!"

A pink maned yellow pony was looking at Lydia. "Are you okay?"

She opened one ey. "No, I'm dead to the world. Who knew you could get so worn out after you passed on?"

"Hey babes, where do you think the phrase 'dead tired' comes from?"

Twilight and the others were sleeping it off in the pile of hay. Everyone was still covered with bits of party food. She saw the two pegasus ponies. "Fluttershy! Rainbow Dash! You two missed a heck of a party."

Pinkie nodded. "We were partying like it was Season Five!"

"Darn," Rainbow Dash said. "Makes me wish we were doing something besides helping the cloud wranglers."

"Who is this?" Fluttershy asked, looking at the two unfamiliar ponies.

Rarity said, "That is going to take some explaining." She sniffed. "Preferably after a bath."

"Hey, watch the four letter words," Beetlejuice said sneering.

"Don't mind him," Lydia said. "Beetlejuice isn't happy unless he's up to his arms in dirt, slime, and bugs."

"What are arms?" Applejack asked.

"They're sort of like legs for hands instead of hooves," Twilight said. "Trust me, it'd take too long to explain." She looked at Fluttershy. "These ponies have come here looking for your help."

Nervously Fluttershy looked at Lydia and Beetlejuice. "What can I do?"

000

After explanations the other ponies left to clean up, reluctantly leaving their visitors with Fluttershy. The pegasus said, "Oh well I know where the timberwolves live, but only so I can avoid them. They're not really animals or very friendly. They eat other planets, but they attack animals so that they can drag them as… fertilizer to their dens to feed their cub-sprouts."

"Hey then they should love us," Beetlejuice said looking at Lydia.

"Except I'd rather not end up dragged into the woods by vicious monsters," Lydia said.

"Oh they're not monsters," Fluttershy said. "Just animals. You can't blame them for doing what comes naturally."

"I don't know about you lady," Beetlejuice said. "But as fun as it can be to be torn into pieces, I consider anything trying to do it a monster."

"Remember BJ, we're supposed to bring them back alive," Lydia said.

Beetlejuice turned back into his real form, only decked out in a pith helmet and safari gear, holding a large rifle. "Just call me the great wight hunter Lyds!" he pointed at Lydia who was suddenly dressed in a witchdoctor mask, red leapoad skin top and loin cloth. "So lead on oh spiritual guide."

Lydia shook her head. "Saints preserve us." She looked at Fluttershy. "So how do we find timberwolves?"

"You don't, they find you."

"Well then lead the way," Beetlejuice said.

Fluttershy shook her head. "Oh no. I don't… I don't go near things that might eat me."

"What? But…"

"It's okay Beetlejuice." She smiled at Fluttershy. "Thanks for the tip. If you ever need help, just call his name three times."

"Beetlejuice?" Fluttershy asked.

He winked at her. "Feel free to wear it out."

000

"I feel so stupid," Lydia said. She was walking through the woods in her red cloak and carrying a basket of goodies.

From up in the trees Beetlejuice stuck his head out of the leaves. "Hey babes, trust me. If there's one thing everyone knows about magical wolves, it's that they can resist a girl in red. The only think they like more is grandmothers, but someone put a stop to that plan."

"Beetlejuice I'm not letting you stake some old lady out in the woods, even if she is a pony," Lydia said.

"Well then start skipping."

Lydia, despite not actually needing to breathe, sighed and started skipping through the woods. "To grandmother's house we go."

It took half an hour, but which time Lydia was getting tired of skipping, before they heard the howls of approaching wolves. Soon things were moving in the bshed. Lydia turned as something snarled behind her, baring fangs in the dim light filtering through the trees. "Beetlejuice!"

As the pack appeared from the bushes all around her Beetlejuice appeared next to her. "Hey babes, don't worry. I let you die once, I'm not letting it happen again." He was dressed as a lumberjack, holding a big ax over his shoulder. This did not impress the two dozen wolves made out of tree limbs, glowing eyes, and fangs that were circling them, preparing to leap.

"Beetlejuice, you're not supposed to kill them." Lydia elt stupid for saying it since the wolves were licking their muzzles, obviously having no qualms about hurting them.

"Don't worry Lydia, this is my hand axe," he said. The blade turned into a giant white glove. "you might want to duck." Lydia suddenly found herself turned into a duck as it swung over her head. . "Batter up!"

The wolves let out surprised cries as they were smacked up and into the air. Beetlejuice and Lydia appeared at an announcer's desk complete with microphones. Lydia took hers and said, "It's a high fly! They're going, going, gone!"

"I really pounded them," Beetlejuice said. Suddenly a giant cage appeared in the air, catching the wolves as they flew. It landed next to them and he leaned against it as the wolves tried to attack him through the bars. Inside they were all barking loudly and scratching themselves.

"What's wrong with them?" Lydia asked.

Beetlejuice reached in and pulled something off the back of one wolf. "Bark beetles. These woods are crawling with them. Once they get on timberwolves they can drive them barking mad!" He crunched the beetle between his teeth. "So Lydia, how do we get a cage full of half mad timberwolves home? Because I am not carrying them."

"Oh that's easy. We'll just do a classic fade out. Three… two… one…"

000

Back in the Netherworld outside the woods Bettlejuice and Lydia unlocked the cage and let the wolves run, yelping, away from them and into the Nether-woods, tails between their legs.

"There you see beetlejuice? Doing one good deed a month won't be too terrible will it?"

"I guess," he said, obviously not enjoying the idea. "As long as I still get to do a few bad ones to balance it all out."

Lydia said, "So what do you think of our new pony friends?"

"I think they're great," Beetlejuice said.

Surprised she said, "What, you didn't think they were too cute and friendly?"

"Yeah, but I get the feeling we could totally market them!" Beetlejuice said. He waved his hands and a whole rainbow of pony toys appeared in front of him. "This about it babes! Toys, books, movies, a TV series, we could start in the Netherworld and then expland to the human world. We'll make a fortune if we could find some sucker to sell it for us back there. We just need to make a Faustian bargain with someone!" His hair turned long and red as he said that. "Hahahaahaahaha!"

Lydia put a hand to her head and said, "What horrors have been unleashed?"

The End… for now.

Author's Note

How was it? Should I make a sequel? Let me know what you think.


End file.
